I know it’s a cliché to describe the whole IVF / ART experience as a roller coaster but it really is.
But before I get into all of that, I just want to say a thousand thank-yous to all of you lovely people. It is overwhelming to receive all your kind comments and I am truly grateful. Sometimes when I type “thank you” I do wonder if it sounds a bit perfunctory (especially when I have typed it so many times) but really it comes with a huge groundswell of gratitude (and that isn’t just the hormones talking).
The sickness has been getting worse. Recently I vomited immediately after eating a piece of toast (which was supposed to help calm the nausea) so I have altered my diet again to exclude things which hurt to be vomited back up at short notice (sorry if that’s TMI). I have been trying to re-introduce yoghurt which I used to LOVE but now just tastes weird. I’m not sure it’s helping but at least it is basically liquid. Also this morning (after the daily barf) I had a desperate need for crisps. I never eat crisps ordinarily and I felt like such a slob eating crisps in my pyjamas in bed. I think my body needed the salt or something. Anyway it is so weird. Normally I’m like fruit and veg girl but not anymore! I’m going to try and see my GP tomorrow to see if I can get something to help with the sickness.
So on Friday I had my final appointment with my fertility clinic. I can’t believe it. I think it is almost a year to the day since I went for the open day. It didn’t start well. Firstly I was late (due to an unscheduled vomiting session). Anyway once the scan got underway the dr said that he would look for a minute and show me what was going on. Well he was looking for waaay more than a minute and I knew that he was struggling to get an image. I can’t remember his exact words but he didn’t show me the screen, took the ultrasound wand out and said that we needed to go to another room with a better machine. Somewhere he did say not to worry and that he saw a heartbeat but even with the best will in the world (and he does have a very good bedside manner despite the way I may have portrayed what happened) it is impossible to not get freaked out when something like that happens. So we moved to another room with a better machine. He’s still having trouble getting a decent image but this one is a bit better. Turns out my fibroid is growing and getting in the way of the ultrasound (hence why he was struggling to get an image). So the good news is that the baby is measuring exactly where it should be and has a strong heartbeat. To say I was relieved is an understatement. Although I couldn’t hear the heartbeat, it was possible to see the baby wriggling around and that was amazing….
….And then the bombshell….
There was a second heartbeat. Yup. I know. Two weeks ago he said that if he couldn’t see a heartbeat at that stage then it wasn’t to be…. except that now apparently there is a second heartbeat and it is twins after all. I literally cannot believe I am typing this. Twin 2 measures about a week smaller than twin 1 and is more difficult to see because of its position (and the fibroid interference) but it is there and growing.
I’m very much in a state of shock about all of this. I know it is still very early days and many things could happen but it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. Just seems like one of those unbelievable twists which only happen in the movies.