The Elephant in the Room

So. Here’s a thing. At my IVF consultation I had to do something worse than have a stranger poke around in my girly-bits. You may not believe that there is something worse than that, but for me there  is.

I got weighed.

For those of you out there whose heart rate raised at that – you know where I’m coming from.

So I was umming and aaahing about whether to mention this in my last post and in the end I decided to leave it out because I am consciously trying to keep a positive frame of mind and I don’t want negative things to dominate. I also don’t want to be an omni-whinger. Perhaps that’s easier said than done because all I have actually done this past week is think about my weight and beat myself up about it.

I could write pages and pages about my weight and how it makes me feel about myself but somehow it seems wrong to give airspace to such trivial self loathing. I am a grown woman, not an angst-ridden teen. I should have got over this long ago.

I could write about my frustration at all the effort I have put into exercise these past two years and the lack of impact it has had on my weight. Two years of consistently doing high intensity exercise three times a week (with the exception of the 2WW after embryo transfers) has resulted in a net weight loss of zero. zip. zilch. nada. nichts. nothing. Yes I am so much fitter than I was and I really enjoy the exercise, but it has had not had a positive impact on the scales and that’s disappointing.

The funny thing was, the doctor was not at all bothered about my weight and listed all the reasons why he wasn’t bothered (which sounded very much like the list of excuses I would come up with to justify my weight). All the same I don’t like being heavier than what I think my weight should be.

I am going to sort it out. I have a new plan and this time it focuses on my diet. There is some logic to this – firstly the exercise has been shown to not work – but also I have been told by the doctor to not continue with this sort of exercise during my forthcoming IVF cycles. I have to find other more gentle ways to maintain fitness. I never thought I’d say this but I might start yoga.

While there aren’t to be any grandiose diet resolutions and wholescale banning of cake (I have long since learnt that these rules never work) I am going to make some changes to my approach to food. I acknowledge that I need to pay more attention to what I eat. Step one is to write down what I eat each day (don’t worry this list will not make it to the blog!!!!). Perhaps by doing this I can spot bad habits which I have learnt to subconsciously filter out… I wonder whether I actually eat more than I realise? (Rhetorical question – the answer is almost certainly ‘yes’.) I hope that by writing down what I eat, I’ll make more conscious decisions to not eat certain things, or just eat less of them. If I can lose a few pounds and tip my weight back into the healthy range it’ll be a good feeling.

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23 thoughts on “The Elephant in the Room

    1. I also love this app and was going to suggest it. While it is painful to track calories in the beginning it is really helpful just to see how much you are eating compared to what you probably should be eating. Exercise is great and it does help me keep on a healthy food track, makes it easier I think, but really, it is only 20% of what is needed. The other 80% is food food food.

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  1. I feel ya. Got told about a year ago by a gynaecologist to lose weight to improve chances of conception. Thing is, I’ve been +/- 20kg all my adult life (varying from size 6-10ish, pushing a 12 occasionally) and I have NEVER conceived naturally. So I kinda don’t think it has a whole lot of impact. Although I’m not a doctor. When she told me to lose weight I was still a size 8-10 and I’m slimmer than most of my friends!

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  2. Plus when I was 20kg thinner I was coming out of a relationship and existing on cigarettes and wine. Not sure that is healthier than now. I’m overweight now but again I’m thinner than pretty much everyone I know who has conceived!

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    1. Ha! Sometimes I joke about taking up smoking & drinking because healthy lifestyle doesn’t seem to help!!!
      Partly it is down to latent “issues” i’ve had since I was a teen & I probably need to grow up and get over it. The other part is knowing that I’m now about 1.5 stone heavier than my old normal weight and it has just pushed me into the overweight category. That said I’m prob size 10-12 (depending on trouser thigh / hip allowance) where I used to be 8-10. I’m also having my thyroid checked just in case there is a medical “get out of jail free card” to explain the weight gain. lol!

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      1. Yeah, me too. In my case it’s just a more sedentary lifestyle and is because I enjoy food a lot more than I used to! I think it’s easy to put on weight and harder to lose! Plus living with a much bigger guy – I eat more than I used to. It’s silly really. I could lose weight easily if I was miserable – it’s the price we pay for being in a happy relationship! 🙂

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  3. Good luck on your quest! Any time we take a minute to step back and examine our eating habits it is a good thing in my opinion. Each time I do something like that I seem to permanently add one more really great healthy thing to everyday living so I think it is worth it just for that. Go you doing that exercise. We also have been on a no vigorous exercise approach based on the advice of an IVF specialist we don’t actually see but know about. His big thing is nothing that strains at all – yoga is out as it requires lots of core strength, switching on that whole baby making region which needs to be at rest. He says walking and swimming only and never vigorous. I miss my regular exercise and I am fatter than what was my sitting weight so that annoys me but whatever, I figure I’ll lose it post baby now and that will be that. Any small thing you do to improve your health is always great so I’m so proud of you for being willing to tackle that. It is not easy when you have the head stress of an IVF cycle looming. Go you xxx

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    1. Thank you! So yoga is also out! ha ha I don’t see it as very ‘me’ so maybe that’s not a bad thing. Am very lucky where I live – lots of beautiful countryside so walking is definitely going to be on my list of things to do.

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        1. Someone reminded me of how tiring it is on stim drugs so I guess there is also that to consider – we can only do so much and should not beat ourselves up on not being “superwomen”. Primary goal is pregnancy & healthy baby – if I get that then wobbly thighs can stay a little longer 😉

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    1. Totally. Plus all those drugs we take surely cannot help. Am thankful that all the pressure I’m feeling about my weight is all self-imposed. Doctor doesn’t seem that bothered. I know some people who have to lose weight in order to be allowed to start the treatment and that is really tough.

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  4. Good luck!! I lost 50lbs last year and it was mostly from paying attention to my nutrients and logging food. Not about the calories burned. I also lifted weights (lightly), swam, and did yoga. I believe just by writing it down you’ll see results. Keep us updated 😊

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    1. Thank you and wow what a brilliant achievement. I am amazed already at how many calories are in my breakfast cereal – I had no idea, I always though granola was the healthy option! (doh) Definitely treating this a bit like a curious science experiment so that I don’t feel like a failure if I eat something ‘bad’!

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      1. It’s really about the nutrition. I logged on MY Fitness Pal, but paid more attention to the nutrition content. If it wasn’t high in protein and nutrients I cut it back. I also increased my protein bc it helped with hunger and cravings and ate every 2-3 hours. I never punished myself if I didn’t lose or ate something ‘bad’ I just moved on and did better at the next meal. 😊 Good luck!!!

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  5. This is such a hard battle. Add tons of hormones and exhaustion and stress it is just torture trying to lose weight. You probably know all this but drinking s ton of water and eating an apple 10 or 15 minutes before a meal seems to help. After dinner at night when I am hungry and want something sweet and satisfying I eat a Justin’s almond butter squeeze pack. Super high protein but satisfying and filling and not some trick food that just makes you more hungry. Wishing you so much luck and hope you are kind to yourself throughout the process. Xo

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    1. Thank you so much. I shall look into that almond butter. Yes definitely trying to focus on positive aspects rather than negative ones. I fully expect I’ll ‘expand’ when I get back on the drugs so I’m hoping that maybe I can lose a pound or two before I start and get into some good healthy eating habits.

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